The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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