The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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