If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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