I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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