why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
