No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
