so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
