walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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