I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
