Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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