Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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