hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
