I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
