my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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