I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
