they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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