is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
