god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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