Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
