Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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