if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
