I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
