I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
