Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
