Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
