I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
