And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
