Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
