i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
