I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
