Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
