I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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