I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
