That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
