Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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