anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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