Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
