im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
