dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
