I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
