Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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