Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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