he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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