I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
