I will die if light touches me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
