she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
