i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
