you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
