they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
