I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
